Gram.

Betty Jean Higgs Riley.  Those four names encompass a woman that, for me, had a four letter name: Gram.  I haven't written this entry, because I didn't really know how.  How do you sum up a woman who was both complicated and amazing?

Gram was born on September 16, 1929.  She grew up in New York and went to school to become a nurse.  She did her training at the famous Lenox Hill Hospital in New York City.  She met my grandfather, fell in love, and got married.  She had four children: Michael, Chris, Kathy and Patty (my mom).  She worked as a pediatric nurse and she worked hard...probably too hard for the likings of her own children.  Gram wasn't perfect; no parent or mother ever is.  She made mistakes, as we all do.  Her life took a drastic turn in May 1985.  Her husband, Bill, suffered a stroke.  As he was recovering from the stroke, he suffered a cerebral hemorrhage and passed away at.  I can only remember small snippets of my grandfather and of Gram before he died.  She went into early retirement and moved to Redding so that she could be with her kids and grandkids.  She moved into a little 2 bedroom/1 bathroom apartment.  My parents and my uncles taught her how to drive, and she was scared to death of it.  She was able to get around and became fiercely independent.

I have so many fond memories of Gram.  I remember her taking care of me when I was sick or had broken bones and my mom or dad couldn't afford to take time off of work.  I remember her raising holy hell with my brother and I for swimming in a creek that was off limits (my parents had gone on a rare vacation without us).  I remember she always had a full "Take Home" jar.  She filled it with candy and we were each allowed to take one (or sometimes a small handful) on our way home.  She would make fudge and cookies during Christmas and we would always request her famous Goopy Chicken whenever we would have a sleepover.  She introduced me to the movies, "Beaches" and "Troop Beverly Hills".  My cousin Amy and I would paint each other's nails and Gram would let us play dress up.  She dedicated a couple of drawers solely for that purpose.

This past March, Gram became ill.  She had many different infection ravaging her poor body.  Her bones had become very weak over the years and she fell multiples times within a 24-hour period.  When they took her to the hospital, the full scope of how sick and broken she was became apparent.  Many of her vital organs were shutting down and it was discovered that she had tumors on her liver.  She had signed a DNR and after meeting with doctors and her children, decided that she did not want anymore measures taken.  She wanted to be comfortable and she wanted to meet her husband again. 

I was lucky enough to be able to fly home to see her.  I had been scheduled to have surgery the day after she had been admitted.  Through Divine intervention, my surgery was cancelled and rescheduled for later in the week.  I flew home the next day and drove straight to Redding.  I had brought a vivid pink and white plumeria lei with me and I gave it to her.  We sat and had a small conversation.  I told her how much I loved her and how much she meant to me.  Even when she slept, I held her hand and just stayed.  She asked if I had to leave and I told her that I did.  She frowned and wouldn't let go of my arm.  I stayed as long as I could.  Before I left, I kissed her and told her I loved her so very much and that I would see her again on the other side.  She smiled, told me she loved me too and fell asleep again.

Betty Jean Higgs Riley passed away in the early morning hours of Sunday, April 1st, 2012.  I miss her everyday.