When I was growing up, I was always told that I needed to be independent of anyone else. My grandmother used to tell me that I shouldn't depend on anyone else to make things happen in my life. I would and should be the one to figure out my own way and how to get there. I've always taken pride in being independent and remaining true to me. Even though I'm a mom and a wife, I try to remind myself constantly that I am also me.
Being a military spouse is a bit of a funny thing. There are about a gazillion stereotypes and so many different things that we're told we should be. Even though I volunteer a lot with the spouse clubs and try to stay involved in base happenings, I tend not to classify myself as a military spouse--to me, I'm just a spouse; regardless of military. Sure, it can make things challenging at time, but I think that there are other situations that can be just as challenging (if not more so) than being associated with the military.
Today, I did something I never thought I would do. I turned down a job interview. I had applied for a really neat-sounding job. It was something that seemed right up my alley, and at the time, it seemed like a good idea. We'd be able to pay our debts down and everything would work out. But as the time passed, the husband's work schedule became more erratic and less predictable. At our previous base, I became so busy with work, volunteering, school and kids, that often my schedule dictated the family schedule. That's not how it's supposed to work in this lifestyle. Needs of the military/needs of the Air Force usually come first. After realizing the true reality of his new job, I knew that while I was ready and willing to go back to work outside of the home, my family is not. My kids had a hard time adjusting this summer with the move. It has taken the little one 4 months to finally get her behavior stabilized. She talks about her friends that she left behind constantly. It has taken 4 months for my son to finally make a friend that he wants to have over after school. Am I ready for all of that to change simply because of something I want? Do I turn their lives all crazy again just because of me? Am I sheltering them too much or smothering them?
In the end, one thing has remained constant for most of their lives...I have been home. I have been able to help with homework and calm them down when their world turns upside down. I show them how to make farting noises and put bright yellow Spongebob band aids on their scraped, no longer model-ready legs. If nothing else, this has been one singular constant that they can depend on. So, when the hiring manager at the MWR marketing department called with an eager voice hoping I could schedule an interview, I politely declined. Yes, I could have gone through the process, just to go through, but it's not right and not fair to take time that could belong to someone else. I just didn't realize how much I really did want the job.
I'm not trying to be a martyr...oh pity me for staying home...I know that I am incredibly lucky to be able to stay home and raise my kids. In this day and in this economy, I am so grateful that someone--anyone--would have wanted to grant me an interview. I feel that I may have lost a little piece of "me" today by saying no to something that I wanted, and thus giving my family something that they needed. I know that sounds selfish and maybe it is. Tonight is one of the first times that I truly felt like a "military" spouse. In my heart, I know that I made the right decision. It may take awhile for my head to catch up, but it will get there. I'm not resentful or angry at all and I just need to quiet the "what-ifs" in my head.
I know that staying at home is okay. I don't sit on my couch eating bon bons and watching soaps all day. I'm proud of my kids and proud of the hubs. I just need to be proud of me too. Even if I'm not independent, at least I'm co-dependent. The hubs brings home the bacon, and I cook the meal. It works for now and that's what matters. Maybe there is something bigger and better on the horizon and maybe this is it. I have a few ideas I've been batting around in my head, so maybe this is my chance to explore those options. I just have to have faith that it will all work out in the end.
Thursday, October 27, 2011
Sunday, October 2, 2011
Hike 4: Koko Head Crater
Koko Head. Not quite the Haiku Stairs (aka: Stairway to Heaven), but I guess if you were to do that one, then Koko Head would definitely be a good warm-up or precursor to it. I had seen a few sites about it and have heard that it a fun-challenging-kick-butt kind of hike. More of a workout than a hike. So, when the OSC gals picked this for the September hike, I was totally for it. I think I may be a bit of a sadomasochist:
There were 6 ladies in our group, so we kind of split off into 2 groups going up: some that were super, uber athletes that probably could have run up the blessed steps and the rest of us that, well, weren't quite as athletically endowed or gifted (read slow as molasses and afraid they'd have to be carried back down). Obviously, I don't have athletic prowess, so I chose to bring up the rear (read take my sweet ass time and stop a lot).
When you first start, you don't really think to much about it. After all, my house has stairs. I go up and down them multiple times a day. However, my stairs are maybe 6 inches apart and are carpeted with a railing. These are old, decrepit, rotting out rail tracks that are at least a foot or more apart. The view the entire time is pretty well worth it though (this one is about 1/3 up the hill):
About halfway up the hill, there is a little bridge that has a drop off underneath it. There is a dirt path that goes to the right side that you can take if you don't want to go over it. I decided that I'd be brave and go over it on the way up, but would be smarter to go on the trail on the way down. Now, I have to make a side note here: there is a firing range just down the road from here. The sounds of the gunfire ricochet off the hill sides, so it sounds like someone is firing a gun at you. Let's just say that with the adrenaline running through you and the noises from the firing range, you feel a bit like someone in an Indiana Jones movie. After I crossed the bridge, I took a peek down:
We kept plugging up the steps and about 1028 steps later, with a 1,035 ft. elevation gain in 1/2 mile, we made it to the top:
It was so pretty! You could see the ridge that we had climbed in a previous hike. The day was clear enough to see the outlines of Molokai and Lanai in the distance:
There was a little path that went up a little further, to the tippy top of the hill, where the bunkers used to be. We stood on the top of the roof of the old bunkers and could see an amazing view of Hawaii Kai, the back of Diamond Head and the eastern part of Honolulu.
Amazing views definitely made this hike worth it. It's not a long hike, by any stretch of the imagination--just over a mile for up and back. But it is quite a workout. We saw a lot of people actually running up and down the steps. One woman was on her second trip up that morning as a part of her workout regimine. That's either crazy dedication or just plain crazy. What goes up, must go down. I think that going down is almost harder than going up--especially if you have knees that aren't in tip top shape. Unfortunately, my knees aren't in the best of shape, so it was pretty hard on the knees. It was a good reminder for me to start hitting the weights before doing any serious training for races.
I'm sure I'll probably do this one again sometime...just not within the next few weeks. But, I'm proud to have conquered this bad boy and check it off the list!
There were 6 ladies in our group, so we kind of split off into 2 groups going up: some that were super, uber athletes that probably could have run up the blessed steps and the rest of us that, well, weren't quite as athletically endowed or gifted (read slow as molasses and afraid they'd have to be carried back down). Obviously, I don't have athletic prowess, so I chose to bring up the rear (read take my sweet ass time and stop a lot).
When you first start, you don't really think to much about it. After all, my house has stairs. I go up and down them multiple times a day. However, my stairs are maybe 6 inches apart and are carpeted with a railing. These are old, decrepit, rotting out rail tracks that are at least a foot or more apart. The view the entire time is pretty well worth it though (this one is about 1/3 up the hill):
About halfway up the hill, there is a little bridge that has a drop off underneath it. There is a dirt path that goes to the right side that you can take if you don't want to go over it. I decided that I'd be brave and go over it on the way up, but would be smarter to go on the trail on the way down. Now, I have to make a side note here: there is a firing range just down the road from here. The sounds of the gunfire ricochet off the hill sides, so it sounds like someone is firing a gun at you. Let's just say that with the adrenaline running through you and the noises from the firing range, you feel a bit like someone in an Indiana Jones movie. After I crossed the bridge, I took a peek down:
We kept plugging up the steps and about 1028 steps later, with a 1,035 ft. elevation gain in 1/2 mile, we made it to the top:
It was so pretty! You could see the ridge that we had climbed in a previous hike. The day was clear enough to see the outlines of Molokai and Lanai in the distance:
There was a little path that went up a little further, to the tippy top of the hill, where the bunkers used to be. We stood on the top of the roof of the old bunkers and could see an amazing view of Hawaii Kai, the back of Diamond Head and the eastern part of Honolulu.
Amazing views definitely made this hike worth it. It's not a long hike, by any stretch of the imagination--just over a mile for up and back. But it is quite a workout. We saw a lot of people actually running up and down the steps. One woman was on her second trip up that morning as a part of her workout regimine. That's either crazy dedication or just plain crazy. What goes up, must go down. I think that going down is almost harder than going up--especially if you have knees that aren't in tip top shape. Unfortunately, my knees aren't in the best of shape, so it was pretty hard on the knees. It was a good reminder for me to start hitting the weights before doing any serious training for races.
I'm sure I'll probably do this one again sometime...just not within the next few weeks. But, I'm proud to have conquered this bad boy and check it off the list!
Hike 3: Makapu'u Lighthouse - September 2, 2011
We have definitely been bit by the hiking bug. The Friday before Labor Day, Mark had the day off, thanks to the "Rope Yarn Days" that the Navy tends to give over the long weekends. Definitely a perk for him being an Air Force guy in a mainly Navy office on a Marine installation. Since the kids still had to go to school, we decided to go exploring. There are a lot of hiking spots and trails over in the Hawaii Kai area of the island (East Oahu). We mapped out the day: Makapu'u Lighthouse trail, Whole Foods for lunch and then a little bit of shopping if the day allowed. We headed down the highway and stopped at some of the scenic spots. There was a scenic area that was completely empty, so we pulled over and broke out the camera.
When we drove into the parking lot, we noticed quite a few cars parked there already. A lot of groups were starting there way down the trail, as the sun was blazing over head. The only bummer about hiking these trails during the day is that the sun is usually pretty toasty. There is often very little shade unless you do one of the loop trails or if you do a ridge trail. Thank goodness for the sunscreen. We started up the trail and noticed the view. That's Koko Head Crater in the background:
After much huffing and puffing in the sun, we made it to the top of the trail and there were a lot of interesting markers at the top:
What's funny about this trail is that the lighthouse isn't actually at the top of the trail. There's a side trail that you can take, but you can't actually reach the lighthouse. It is federal property and as such, the feds decided to close public access to it. The trail looks to be in slight disrepair leading to it and there is a locked gate with barbed wire fencing around it. I'm sure that there is a way around, but viewing it from a far was good enough for us:
This was a relatively easy trail. It is paved the entire way, which is great for families that have wee ones in strollers. It's not a very long trail either, so good for beginners for sure.
When we drove into the parking lot, we noticed quite a few cars parked there already. A lot of groups were starting there way down the trail, as the sun was blazing over head. The only bummer about hiking these trails during the day is that the sun is usually pretty toasty. There is often very little shade unless you do one of the loop trails or if you do a ridge trail. Thank goodness for the sunscreen. We started up the trail and noticed the view. That's Koko Head Crater in the background:
After much huffing and puffing in the sun, we made it to the top of the trail and there were a lot of interesting markers at the top:
What's funny about this trail is that the lighthouse isn't actually at the top of the trail. There's a side trail that you can take, but you can't actually reach the lighthouse. It is federal property and as such, the feds decided to close public access to it. The trail looks to be in slight disrepair leading to it and there is a locked gate with barbed wire fencing around it. I'm sure that there is a way around, but viewing it from a far was good enough for us:
This was a relatively easy trail. It is paved the entire way, which is great for families that have wee ones in strollers. It's not a very long trail either, so good for beginners for sure.
Hike 2: Diamond Head - August 28, 2011
After doing the first hike, the kids asked me what hiking was. I told them that it was basically like taking a long walk outside. Sometimes you get to walk through the forest, along the beach and sometimes you can climb to the top of hills and mountains. Both of them told me that they wanted to try it sometime. Mark and I looked at each other and said, "Okay!" Diamond Head it was!
We got up early on a Sunday and decided to head on over. It was kind of a mixed morning--misty and sunny. When we got to the parking lot, this is what awaited us:
The trail was a little busy, but we were grateful that we got there early. After we hit the gravel part of the trail, Gavin took a quick look up:
Because we had the kids, we decided to make it fun and to take our time. We didn't want to push them too hard and make it not fun. If we saw something interesting, we'd stop and take a quick breather.
We made it up the switch backs and it started to sprinkle on us. Luckily, the kids have become very much accustomed to the rainshowers here. Basically, if it rains, you just wait about 5 minutes and it'll be over. I've been told that during the winter that's not always the case, but since we're in the summer/fall, that's pretty much it. We made it up the "Stairs of Evil" (as my son so eloquently called them) and through the bunker tunnel. Lauren was wearing her Sketcher Twinkle Toes shoes, which happen to light up. It was pretty funny...every time she took a step, she twinkled. We climbed through the bunker and up the last small set of stairs and then we made it to the top!
We took our time going back down the hill and stopped and snapped a few more pictures. The kids had a great time and have told me that they most definitely want to do it again.
Diamond Head + Kiddos = Hiking WIN!
We got up early on a Sunday and decided to head on over. It was kind of a mixed morning--misty and sunny. When we got to the parking lot, this is what awaited us:
The trail was a little busy, but we were grateful that we got there early. After we hit the gravel part of the trail, Gavin took a quick look up:
Because we had the kids, we decided to make it fun and to take our time. We didn't want to push them too hard and make it not fun. If we saw something interesting, we'd stop and take a quick breather.
We made it up the switch backs and it started to sprinkle on us. Luckily, the kids have become very much accustomed to the rainshowers here. Basically, if it rains, you just wait about 5 minutes and it'll be over. I've been told that during the winter that's not always the case, but since we're in the summer/fall, that's pretty much it. We made it up the "Stairs of Evil" (as my son so eloquently called them) and through the bunker tunnel. Lauren was wearing her Sketcher Twinkle Toes shoes, which happen to light up. It was pretty funny...every time she took a step, she twinkled. We climbed through the bunker and up the last small set of stairs and then we made it to the top!
We took our time going back down the hill and stopped and snapped a few more pictures. The kids had a great time and have told me that they most definitely want to do it again.
Diamond Head + Kiddos = Hiking WIN!
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